ON A LIGHTER NOTE...


tired of the emotional ranting entries? yah, me too. hehe.


a male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whailing ship. the male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. he said to the female whale, "let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." they tried it and sure enuff, the ship turned over and quickly sank. soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. the male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female whale "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." at dis pt, he realized the female whale was becoming reluctant to follow him. "look," she said, "i went along wif the blow job, but i absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."


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husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. the passion is heating up. but then the wife stops and says, "i dun feel like it. i just want you to hold me." the husband says, "WHAT??" the wife explains that he must be in tune wif her emotional needs as a woman. the husband realizes dat nothing is going to happen tonite and he might as well deal wif it. so the next day the husband takes her shopping. he walks ard and has her try on three very expensive outfits. and then tells his wife, "we'll take all three of them." then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. next to the jewellery dept to get a set of diamond earrings. the wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she doesn't care). she goes for the tennis bracelet. the husband says, "but u dun even play tennis, but ok if u like it then let's get it." the wife was beyond ecstatic. she says, "i'm ready to go. let's go the cash register." the husband says, "NO. NO. NO. honey, we're not going to buy all dis stuff." the wife's face goes blank. "no honey, i just want u to hold dis stuff for a while." her face gets really red and she is abt to explode and then the husband says, "u must not be in tune wif my financial needs as a man!"


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a married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. the doctor told the husband that they cudn't graft any skin from her body as she was too skinny. so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. however, the only skin on his body dat the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. the husband and wife agreed dat they would tell no one abt where the skin came from and requested dat the doctor also honor their secret. after all, this was a very delicate matter. after the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. she looked more beautiful than she ever had before! all her frens and relatives just went on and on abt her youthful beauty. one day, she was alone wif her husband and she was overcome wif emotion at his sacrifice. she said, "dear, i just want to thank u for everything u did for me. there is no way i could ever repay u." "my darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. i get all the thanks i need everytime i see ur mother kiss u on the cheek."


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on the fist day of college, the dean addressed the students pointing out some of the rules. "the female dormitory will be out of bounds for all male students, and vice versa. anybody caught breaking dis rule will be fined $20 the first time. anybody caught breaking dis rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. being caught a 3rd time will cost u a fine of $180. are there any questions?" at dis pt, a male student in the crowd inquired, "how much for a season pass?"


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a couple were married and following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "i'll be home when i want, if i want, and at wat time i want." he insisted. "and i dun expect any hassle from u. also, i expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening unless i tell u otherwise. i'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing wif my buddies whenever i want. those are my rules." he said. "any comments?" his new bride replied, "no dats fine wif me. but just understand dat there'll be sex here at seven pm every nite whether u're here or not."